A Little Sacraligious?

I'd like to bear my testimony,
that I know the Target is true,
And it really helps me all the time,
and I feel really good when I go there...
and I can go to any Target in the country--
and feel right at home because it's the same everywhere you go...........


Is it just me, or is Target like a religion? If it is (and I'm pretty sure it must be), I am a Targetian. Over the years I have gone to my mecca on a very regular basis and paid homage--lots and lots of homage. The great thing is I am not alone. There is a nation-wide sisterhood. (Unfortunately as a result there is a nationwide, disapproving brotherhood.) We walk in the automatic door and smell the smell of popcorn and pretzels and new, cute merchandise and we feel the poop-feeling that often accompanies the thrill of possibility. What's not to love?! Now, there are times in our lives when we are in a position to pay more homage, and there are times when we are poor. In my other religion, the amount of money you make is not so much tied to salvation (whew). But somehow as a poor Targetian I feel punished--my once happy religion feels more like a dangerous addiction (you know, like Ben & Jerry's or Cold Stone). One day I stood in front of some cute post-it notes for 20 minutes, trying to figure out how it could be that I really didn't need to buy them.
Good Me: I can't spend money on cute post-it notes!
Naughty Me: But they are sooooo cute!
A.D.D. Me: Ooh, those ones have polka dots!

Does this worry anyone else?
On another recent occasion a friend and I were engaged in a fascinating conversation...or so she thought.
Friend: Blah blah blah blah Target blah blah blah....
Me: Target? Did you say Target? Are we going to Target?
Friend: No, I said, "...it was like a moving target." Did you even hear a word I said?
Me: I heard you say Target.
I'm hoping that maybe with the support of the fellowship of the sisterhood of the Red and White, I can find a healthy way to live...until I can afford my addiction, er, religion--"club dues" again. (It's frightening how well I can distort--I mean, justify.)
Had I the energy, I would go into great detail about the "Great and Abominable" other way of life...we all know the store I mean--the one you vow never to go to again every time you enter the parking lot or while wiping down the filthy cart. The one that's so cheap they don't have to be nice to you. We will stop there not only because I am incurring judgement and wrath by sounding so snooty, but also...yeah, that's mostly why we'll stop there.
I just want to leave one final thought, if I could. I understand that money cannot buy happiness...but it can be the means of great joy. Amen.